Friendships

In my lifetime, I have made and lost friendships quite a few times.

The old adage that a friend in need, being a friend indeed still holds
true for me, but alas, I am beginning to lose faith in the whole idea.

I had a very dear friend, whom I had held very close to my heart a few
years ago. Unfortunately, his quest to find love cost us this treasured
friendship that we shared for more than 14 years. I won't elaborate as
this is a public domain. The lesson that I have learnt is that
friendships are never carved in stone and no matter how solid a
foundation you believe the friendship is built on, never bet your life
on it. I had been too trusting to outsiders related to this friendship
and as a result, I was robbed of a potential lifetime friend.

Life goes on I guess and I moved on to newer things, in the process
making more friends. I have not really been able to trust new
friendships and have always been cautious and maintained an invisible
wall between new friends along the way.

I have also rekindled relationships with childhood friends and realize
they never really ended, but were kind of, on hold while our lives took
different paths. All those early years of playing marbles, pulling
ridiculous stunts and getting in trouble together, somehow bonds you
for life. I was pleasantly surprised to encounter this when a tragedy
befell one of my childhood buddies. His older brother passed away
suddenly and upon visiting the wake, he hugged me and just broke down
in tears. It was as if, he was waiting for me to arrive, and once I
did, he knew that I was the only one that could offer that shoulder of
comfort, solace during his bereavement.

It was then that I realized what true friendships are really made of.
It is always there and ever present no matter how little attention you
have paid to it. No matter how long, it was since you last caught up
with each other, when you finally meet, it was as if time stood still.

Unfortunately, just like many religions, there are many false prophets
out there, so do be careful. They proclaim that they are your friends
and are with you during a a time of crisis. In your time of need and
vulnerability, you succumb and accept the assistance this person offers
and for awhile, it seems like you've found a new friend. But lo and
behold, once the moment passes, and you've recovered, there he/she is,
awaiting for the appropriate payback.

No, I'm not talking about money, but these people are generally
insecure themselves. They offer help and time when you need it only to
claim the same from you and in most times, the payback is manifold. Out
of obligation, you spend your time and efforts to sit there and comfort
them, once, twice, three times ... and then it dawns on you that this
is not a friend but someone who has purchased the right to call on you
in their time of need - which is, most of the time! So you start to
pull back and give excuses as to why you can't be there for them this
time, next time and the time after that.

Suddenly you check your e-mail and you find and 5 page e-mail from this
person telling you what a lousy friend that you have been. How they
have helped you in your time of need and how ungrateful you are not to
have been there for them in their time of need.

Yes, false prophets, or false friends ... be aware of them and be
selective of the friends you turn to in your time of need. True friends
are there for you anytime of any day, without a hidden agenda of a
future payback. It is difficult sometimes to tell them apart, but if
you feel comfortable accepting help from this friend, chances are, it
is real.

This article is dedicated to my true friends - A tribute to our
friendship!